"I guess the one thing I'm really trying to figure out is the role predestination and God's foreknowledge plays in my life and how that does not deprive me of the power of choice. I like to believe that I have complete control over my decisions and actions, however there is a side to me that questions the accuracy behind my beliefs. So the question should be 'does God’s foreknowledge prohibit my ability to choose freely?'
I’ve come to believe that God is not bound by time and space and has the ability to look at our lives on a spectrum. My decisions and God knowing my decisions are not mutually exclusive. They can occur simultaneously. I’ve wrestled with the idea of certain individuals such as Judas and the Pharaoh whose heart was hardened. Were these individuals bound by their decision due to some form of preordained plan? If not, then what we see in the scriptures may not be the 'plan A' that God intended. Did God want Judas to betray Jesus? If the answer is no, did God need him to?
In a way I look at this situation as knowing that God does have plans for my life. He suggests them to me. However, I believe that I am not bound to that desired plan. At least I hope that I am not. I can look at my life and know that God called me to ministry a long time ago! It just took me too long to listen. I do believe that I made my journey longer than it needed to be, but God was still able to bless me in spite of it. I’ll admit, I am still learning what I believe. I enjoy the process. As of right now, I have found solace in the idea that my definition of 'preordained' may not be how God defines it. I believe that although He has plans for us, it is ultimately our decision if we want to follow His plans or not. If we choose to follow His plan is entirely up to us, and the way my life has turned out it has always been in my best interest to follow his plans, because that’s what’s been best for me."